So I need your help! Help me pick the best bio that captures my spirit as a musician and human being.
Here's the straightforward, obvious one:
Ethan Rowe, tenor, is known for his passionate musical advocacy of all things American. His debut of "I am John Galt" at CPAC 2009 heralded the arrival of a major voice of authentic American artistry, and his "Impressions of a Budget: for Paul Ryan" won the Heritage Foundation's American Righteousness award of 2010. When not singing, Rowe enjoys tax cuts, exercising his second amendment rights, and maligning the downtrodden.
This one really tries to put my work and achievements in context:
Ethan Rowe, tenor, sings out of humanity's raw, desperate need to extract meaning out of meaninglessness. Rowe strives through song to hold back the creeping sense of irrelevance, to keep the universe's indifference at bay. When not singing, he does not matter. Neither do you.
This one is more revealing; maybe it's a little too honest?
Ethan Rowe, tenor, is not an American citizen. He studied voice in Indonesia, where he spent his childhood, and where he became a birth certificate artisan and an expert in the ancient art of expressing jihadist Islam through traditional western Christian idioms. When not singing, he is actively converting his "fellow" Americans to socialism.
But shouldn't I somehow work the family in? Let's try.
Ethan Rowe, tenor, specializes in answering the question "whazzat?" His eldest daughter knows three girls, who are all named Madeleine, but they didn't go to the pool because there was a THUNDERSTORM.
And I really like this one, but I'm not sure. Too braggy?
Ethan Rowe, tenor, has been heralded by Miles Davis as having a voice like "a motherfucker." His interpretations of Purcell and Bach have been described as "bad", and his fiery performances "get all up in that shit." When not singing, Rowe smokes cigarettes and hangs around on the corner of Mass Ave. and Boylston.
Thanks in advance for you help!
